Journaling and vows

I am starting a journal for my recovery and my assignment among other things, is to write in it every time I'm upset about something. When I was in high school, I thought that as long as my negative feelings didn't receive credit, then maybe they didn't exist. I thought that as long as I didn't voice them and instead, focused on positive things, then they'd go away. This is what I thought "having a good attitude" was all about. I would also try to forget times where I was feeling negatively, and even lie so often about how I was feeling that I'd remember the lie as being truth. And as a coping technique, it worked for the time being.

The problem is that if I am to ever depend on God, I have to submit that stuff to him. He won't let me sweep it under the rug any longer. This morning I am really upset and I'm trying to get the strength to change. Instead of turning to computer games, TV, or some other kind of entertainment, I'm going to write it down. Wish me luck.

I remembered that some of you wanted a copy of our wedding vows. I've posted them below. I made some pretty tough promises and I've already broken many of them on several occasions. Especially the parts about confessing my shortcomings, being vulnerable, and always speaking truth. OK, time to journal.

Justin,

Because God loves us and gave up himself for our sake,
I promise, now and forever, to love, respect, and honor you
I promise to be faithful to you and loyal to you as my husband
I promise to give up my selfishness, because loving you is more important to me
I promise to be open and truthful with you and to accept God's grace and correction
I promise to let go of my pride and self-centered perspective
I promise to forgive you and let go of any hurt feelings and judgments
I promise to listen to you and never waste an opportunity to understand you better
I promise to care more about what God's will is for you than about my own life
I promise to seek God together with you, submitting to and following Him and no other
I bind myself with you and God together in this covenant, no matter the circumstance, for as long as I live.


Dawn,

I promise to love you with my body, my mind, my heart and my spirit.
I promise to honor you before myself with my words, my actions, my thoughts and my prayers.
I promise to draw out your beauty and and unpack your heart with my love.
I promise to listen to you, forgive you, and try to understand the way you experience life.
While I still have breath, I promise to pursue only you, my wife, never letting another come between us.
I promise to confess my short comings and be vulnerable to you, always speaking truth.
I promise to give up my selfishness, because loving you is more important to me.
I promise to declare Jesus my king, depending on his grace to do all of these things because I admit that I cannot do them without him.
I bind myself with you and God together in this covenant, no matter the circumstance, for as long as I live.